"Oww..." Melanie groaned as she collapsed onto a bed and stared up into the ceiling with a grimaced look on her face. Despite having her wounds been tended to by conjurers she was still in a lot of pain from her training. Every bone felt like it had been crushed and glued back together and every muscle beaten by a massive meat tenderizer. Thankfully the owners of the Hall of the Novice had secured a room for her at one of the nearby cottages at Swiftperch rather than leaving her to make her way back to Limsa Lominsa as she was in no fit state to travel.
"Is this what a warrior goes through every day?" she thought to herself. "Hydaelyn must've made a mistake in choosing me. I honestly don't think I can really go through with this. I'm not big on constant suffering in pain." Melanie tried her best to turn her mind away from the pain and her self-doubts. "I wonder how Reubemont and the others fared today."
Since Melanie's training went on so late by the time she left the hall her comrades had already set sail back to Limsa. Her thoughts went back to hearing Reubemont in the other arena. Other than the sound of weapons clashing against each other she didn't hear anything else after that and none of her comrades had contacted her via linkpearl all day. It was already too late to check in on them now herself, besides she could barely raise an arm to her ears without wincing in pain. Even a Manderville massage would've been out of the question. All she wanted to do was just lie motionless and hope the pain would settle by next morning.
"How has the Warrior of Light managed to surive this long even after being smashed in by heavy robots 10 times the size of her when I can barely survive a day of being hit by small wooden swords?" Melanie questioned herself. As she mulled over her thoughts her eyelids became very heavy and she fell into a deep sleep.
----
The next morning Melanie woke up to the smell of freshly grilled garlicky meat. Her mouth watered at the scent that she couldn't wait to get out of bed.
"Yeouch!" Melanie yelped as she pushed herself up too quickly, forgetting that the previous night her body felt like she'd been run over by a truck repeatedly. She hadn't even gotten out of her clothes from the previous day as she was too tired and too sore to undress. Taking it easy she slowly picked up her belongings that she had dumped next to the bed and started to make her way towards the kitchen where the smell of grilled meat was coming from. After having some rest she was now able to appreciate the surroundings of where she had been staying - a small stone cottage of minimal design with a few furnishings that had been imported from Limsa Lominsa.
Standing over a stove a young man was preparing some meat in a pan, searing it on both sides. "Ah, you're awake. How are you feeling today?" he asked as he caught sight of Melanie.
"Sore..." Melanie responded.
"Not surprising, you were barely able to get off the cart they brought you in on last night" he replied. He flipped the meat one last time and then lifted it from the pan and placed it onto an empty plate. "I've cooked us some dodo meat, I hope you're feeling hungry" he continued.
"I'm famished" Melanie said as her eyes followed the grilled meat towards a small rectangular dining table.
"Come, sit down and eat" the man gestured to her. Melanie smiled greatfully and placed her belongings down on the floor next to a chair and took a seat at the table. The man carried a couple of plates of dodo meat to the table and placed them down before taking a seat himself. Melanie breathed in the scent of the meat before picking up a knife and fork and began to dig in. Despite the wonderful smell there was something about the meat that didn't seem at all appealing. It was a bit tough like a well cooked bland steak with a very mild fishy flavour. The garlic didn't do it much justice either being the only dominant flavour. Melanie lowered her knife and fork and raised a hand to her mouth as she began chewing away at the meat in her mouth.
Her host noticed her struggling to chew away at the meat. "My apologies. I understand not many visitors have tried dodo meat before, though it is a staple here as there's so many of them in the nearby hills that I forget it's not to everyone's liking. Perhaps I might offer some salted fish instead?"
"No it's fine, you've been such a gracious host and it would be rude of me to want of more" Melanie replied.
"It's no problem, we have plenty of it in stock" the host commented.
"It's ok, once I'm used to the taste it's actually not that bad" Melanie insisted. She swallowed down the dodo meat and cut a more smaller piece to make it a little more easier to chew on.
The host nodded as he watched her struggling less with the meat and continued to eat away at his meal. "So, I hear you're one of those adventurers who might be going up against the newest residents of Satasha" he commented.
"That's what I'm hoping for" Melanie replied.
The host smiled a little as he looked up at her. "Forgive me for being so observant, but you don't look like the type who goes around battling for adventure."
Melanie stopped chewing away at the meal and looked at him quizically. "What do you mean?" she asked a little nervously.
"You come across as someone who wouldn't normally volunteer for this line of work, more like you're doing this out of duty or as part of a favour rather than as someone who's trained since being a child for this kind of life. I get the feeling that you've never laid hands on a weapon until recently and that all of this is new to you."
Melanie looked down at the table and sighed. "It's true, everything you said. I feel like I've been forced into this, but at the same time it's my fault my friends are in trouble and I'm the only one who can help them, so it's my duty to learn what it is to become an adventurer and to free them from the mess I've left them in. People keep trying to encourage me and for a brief time my spirits and confidence are lifted and I feel that I can do this, but then it all comes crashing back down again when I realise I'm really not cut out for this kind of thing."
The host nodded as he listened to her lament. "And you're not wrong in that assessment" he responded. "The fact you lack confidence in yourself is because you really aren't cut out for that kind of thing. People around you can keep encouraging you but like you said that momentary boost of confidence is just temporary."
Melanie lowered her knife and fork down as she mulled over his words. He was right, she wasn't cut out to playing an adventurer running around hunting and fighting helpless animals. The past couple of weeks had been fun but also exhausting both physically and mentally. It still made her heart sink to kill an animal that was only fighting back to survive. Her comrades may have tried to cheer her up over the numerous times they ventured together and reassured her that it was for the better good, but it still left a bitter taste in her mouth and she had to fight back the tears every time. And now they were training even harder to fight against other people, not just animals. It was all becoming a bit much for her to cope with.
"Then how do I stop the feelings of doubt and regret from coming back every time? Because every time I take a life I'm overwhelmed with remorse over what I've done. I feel it's wrong and that I have no right to decide what lives and what dies. All life deserves a chance to live."
The host stopped eating and nodded at what she was saying. "Well, first thing my friend is you need to stop telling yourself you can't do something even if it seems impossible, because once you tell yourself you can't do something you're sealing that deal. Don't treat failure as an affirmation that you can't succeed, but treat it as a learning experience to try harder."
"Oh..." Melanie felt like a dumb hypocrite as she listened to his wisdom. These were the very same words she had taught other people during raids in games and yet she struggled to apply them to her own life. It was so much easier to give people advice than to apply it to herself.
"As for the regrets, you need to look at it this way. If you want to become stronger to help your friends then there's only so much a target dummy can teach you. Eventually you'll need to face your opponents whether they be man or monster, and unless you've had the experience and the strength to fight against whatever it is that's in your path then you don't stand a chance at surviving let alone winning. It's either becoming stronger by fighting the wildlife before it becomes too numerous for us to be able to go outside safely or fight each other. In my opinion the former is a better choice as it not only makes the roads more safer to travel but it provides food and materials to make clothes and tools with."
Melanie sighed again. She knew he was right even if it still made her feel unhappy to admit it. The host leaned forward more to catch her eye. "If it helps make you feel better you could always offer a prayer to your gods to thank them for the life you've taken and for the bounty that life will render to others."
Melanie looked up at him feeling a little more better with herself. Of course, by making a prayer of thanks it would help cast away the regrets than just staring remorsefully at the corpses and bloodied fields. It would be the most honorable thing to do to respect their life and their sacrifice so others can continue forwards.
"Brovola, are you there?" Reubemont's voice spoke into her ear through her linkpearl. Melanie raised her hand to her ear and activated the linkpearl.
"Yes, I'm here."
"Ah good. I was starting to worry when the innkeeper at Limsa said you hadn't checked in for the night. Where are you?"
"I'm over at Swiftperch. One of the residents set me up for the night since I was a bit worse for wear after training."
"I see. Are you okay now though?"
"Yes, I've had some time to recouperate and feeling a lot more stronger."
"That's good. I guess we'll be seeing you over at the Hall of the Novice later today then."
"Mmm hmm."
"Right then, we'll start heading over after breakfast and be there within the hour."
click!
Melanie picked up her knife and fork and continued to chew away at the tough steak. The host smiled a little as he was able to catch a glimmer of new found confidence and hope in her eyes.
